We cannot thrive without a feeling of safety/security. It allows us to be okay while we explore, take risks, and make mistakes. A sense of safety and security allows us to be ourselves without fear of ridicule, rejection, reputation-smearing, or violence. We will have a strong capacity to work when it’s time to work, rest when it’s time to rest and play when it’s time to play.
Without a sense of safety/security, we may not be able to relax and rest. A constant undercurrent of stress will be our default and we’ll likely perceive threats virtually everywhere. Because our system is constantly on alert, we’ll frequently feel exhausted and chronically unrested.
Actions that cultivate personal Safety/Security:
- Protect yourself appropriately–Avoid getting into situations that may compromise your safety/security and work to replace self-blame with sincere curiosity if you do.
- Get good at meeting the first three emotional needs: Understanding, Acceptance, Connection.
- Intentionally and appropriately choose to put yourself into situations where you feel uncomfortable and perhaps a little unsafe/insecure.
- Feel your emotions with openness and with the intent to understand, as if they’re communicating something important with you–because they are.
- Feel your physical sensations with openness and with the intent to understand, as if they’re communicating something important with you–because they are.
- Do therapy, especially trauma, family-of-origin, and inner-child work.
- Make and keep promises to yourself.
- Trust your gut… and question whether your gut (nervous system) is stuck in a trauma response.
- Practice sincere curiosity with yourself, especially regarding feelings of insecurity and danger.
- Practicing a breath and/or body meditation.
- Limit your news intake. If you do pay attention to the news, try long-form journalism rather than clickbait or stories with hyperbolic headlines.
Actions that cultivate interpersonal Safety/Security:
- Practice holding boundaries and accepting boundaries.
- Surround yourself with people who trust appropriately and who are trustworthy; people who are respectful and respectable.
- Practice telling the truth well with those close to you.
- Practice receiving the truth well with those close to you.
- Make and keep promises to those close to you.
- Do your therapy work, especially regarding past and present relationships.
- Practicing sincere curiosity rather than judgment.
- Be willing to sever a relationship if your boundaries are not honored.