We all need to feel understood when we explain something important, when we make mistakes, when we share our passions, and when we feel hurt, sad, confused, or betrayed–when we’re vulnerable. Understanding does not necessarily mean we agree. We can experience deep understanding and still disagree. Regardless of agreement, we long for those close to us to glean a sense of what it’s like to be us. We are eager for an understanding place—an environment that implicitly permits us to express ourselves by reflecting empathy, curiosity, and relatedness back at us.
Actions that cultivate personal Understanding:
- Feel your emotions with openness and with the intent to understand, as if they’re communicating something important with you–because they are.
- Feel your physical sensations with openness and with the intent to understand, as if they’re communicating something important with you–because they are.
- Try new things with patience.
- Do your therapeutic work.
- Practice sincere curiosity with yourself, especially regarding habits/behaviors you may beat yourself up about.
- Practice a breath and/or body meditation.
Actions that cultivate interpersonal Understanding:
- Share things that are important to you.
- Let others know what you want from them as you express yourself EX: “Please, I’d like you to just listen.”
- Listen to others without interrupting.
- Practice reflective listening.
- Practice empathy.
- Practice sincere curiosity.
- Be very slow to respond.
- Say, “Thank you for telling me.”
- Request, “Please tell me more.”